Confidence

My wife and I are seeing Up in the Air tomorrow, which reminded me of the most embarrassing travel experience of my young life. I will have you know I was young. Unfortunately not that young, I was twenty and I was getting packed for a year abroad in Sweden. While packing some last minute things, I came across a condom I had bought four years earlier. Apparently at sixteen I thought, I have a license, so my chances are looking pretty good. Four years later, there it was in my drawer. Sure there was depressingly little I needed a condom for in high school, but I was headed towards exotic Europe. I thought, why not? You never know. I'm in Sweden. It's late at night. There's a knock on my door and a beautiful Swede wants some company. Or, more likely, what if my dorm neighbor needs one? Instant friend. The possibilities were endless. It was coming with me. I was in a rush and it was brutally early, so I just put it in my pocket on my way out the door on the morning of my flight. It was completely forgotten until I got to security. Even when that detection wand started waving around and beeping, I still had no clue. "Will you remove your belt sir?" Sure thing. BEEP. "Do you have anything in your pockets?" Nope. BEEP. "Would you please empty your pockets?" I reached in my pocket and as I realized what happened I completely froze. My mind raced but I couldn't think of a single thing to explain away my idiocy. How do I hide this thing? Will they think its a bomb if I try? Do I already look suspicious? I was clearly panicking as I took the foil wrapped condom out of my pocket. All I could muster was a sheepish, "Could this be it?" The security woman nodded one of those "mmm hmmmm" nods as she shoved the plastic tray my way. Maroon in the face, I placed it in the box and after one last scan, proceeded to quickly grab my stuff, praying my parents weren't still watching from the other side of the security gate. Though I suppose it wouldn't have mattered at that point. I was destroyed. What kind of self assured asshole carries a condom around in his pocket at nine o'clock in the morning? As I walked through to my gate I knew there was no way someone as smooth as me would ever get laid in Sweden. That condom was coming back with me.